for the girls
I'm a girl. and this club is full of complexities. from the get go, the comparison game is unreal. every girl has a peak in her popularity, in her awesomeness. its the silliest fads and the unexplainable trends that cause a girls popularity to peak. but afterwards, begins the slow slide to normalcy... or worse, for some, to blandness.
that sounds mean. but its true.
okay, so in my case, I was what they call a "late bloomer." this wasn't fun. I didn't get to even remotely try to blend in with other girls in jr high and highschool. My Olive Oil (Popeye's main squeeze) bod combined with my homeschooled dress code and the herd of siblings around me, crowed me the "awkward queen" year after year... I shook it off for the most part. the homeschool element kept me out of a huge crowd of popular kids anyway. (no slam on my homies out there, but if you are or were homeschooled or have friends who are/were, you know what what I mean.)
so this late bloomer probably finally began to shine around my senior year... of COLLEGE. yup. I overheard one of my friends at JMU say, "is it just me or did Julia get hot over the summer." She totally meant it as a compliment but, oy. Girls can be so petty. Did anything change about me at all? nope. the stars were just in line and I was noticed. it was a fun few years. I met my hubster (not sure my peakdom had anything to do with it) and was enjoying life... sure I still rocked that Olive Oil body type, but it didn't seem to matter much anymore. Besides, she had black hair...
babies came instantly. we were beyond thrilled. what a blessing to have one of those "just add water" insta families! 1....2....3.... and 4. and oof did it do a number on me physically. Not that the pregancies were that hard, or the labors that intense. I actually have little to no room to complain about it, in fact, compared to some of the cray-cray stories I've heard--- but there I go being a classic girl and comparing myself...
but yeah, being pregnant for me equaled gaining weight. and I know for a lot of gals that's the absolute worst, but I've tried to gain weight my whole life. aaaaand before you stop reading and get all huffy, I know I know, "I wish..." or "wow, I have it so hard..." but if you think about it, being frustrated and uncomfortable with your weight is similar regardless if its more weight or less weight. Anyway. I was thrilled to gain a pound or twenty. But with my first pregnancy I gained 60 or so. yeah. whoops. actually it was okay. I'd loose about 40 of that, before getting preggers again, and then gain another 30 ish during the pregnancies, and lose it again. And since my turn around time was 9 to 6 months, I was doing okay.
so here I am now. stuck at that mark. I've lost the 30 or so and now I'm treading water. i'm not getting pregnant with lucky number 5, so I look at myself and I traded Olive for classic mom bod. Someone once said "well now its your turn to not have the perfect skinny body." man, girls words can hurt. We are so wrapped in our image, how we think others see us and approve or disapprove. I wish it weren't this way. I have a mean case of diastasis recti, which means my inside stomach muscles have been broken due to trauma. its a lot of hard and tedious exercises and brace wearing to attempt to repair the potentially forever deflated muscle groups. I see my pudgy tummy and wilt a little inside.
BUT here's what gets me. I have two beautiful daughters. I'm talking little girls who light up the room when they walk in. Girls who can throw on any outfit and look stunning and they are only 3 and 8 months. ha. I adore them, and yet they were born into this club. This group of critical judgers. I can't keep them from it, but I can build a foundation where they look at themselves and see something beautiful.
My little 3 year old looks at her angelic blonde hair and sighs. She wants it to be dark like daddy's. And so it begins. She is dissatisfied. I think that's something that we all battle with too. Too tall, too short. Hair that's too curly or too straight. We all have quirks and we see them as flaws.
So how do I build this foundation of beauty for my sweet girls? I'm sure there are blogs and books about the 10 things to say to your daughter or the 34 ways to show your daughter she is beautiful. And they probably have some good thoughts or tips in there, but I think what girls need right now, is to be reminded that they are beautiful and to give them attention on the daily that shows how captivated you are with them. Both parents need to be in on this.
And us moms, we need to example.... example how we do our hair pretty. example how we don't always do our hair pretty. example how to workout and keep our bodies healthy. example how we pig out on fries and chocolate when we need to. they are looking to us to show them how to be a lady, they mimic us, they wear our shoes. they are watching and learning.
so i ordered a pair of jeans. a size bigger than i like. and I love them. not giving up. just being content in the now.
i'm reminding myself that all the reminders I want to live for my girls are true about me too. that God made me exactly as I am. He loves my freckles and my pale skin. He loves my long ish feet and my massive forehead. He thinks my mini hands are great. (Nik agrees with God on all of these too.) and I've got a job to do. To raise my girls as girls who know they were fearfully and wonderful made.
I like being a girl. I'm going to go finish my beer now.
that sounds mean. but its true.
okay, so in my case, I was what they call a "late bloomer." this wasn't fun. I didn't get to even remotely try to blend in with other girls in jr high and highschool. My Olive Oil (Popeye's main squeeze) bod combined with my homeschooled dress code and the herd of siblings around me, crowed me the "awkward queen" year after year... I shook it off for the most part. the homeschool element kept me out of a huge crowd of popular kids anyway. (no slam on my homies out there, but if you are or were homeschooled or have friends who are/were, you know what what I mean.)
so this late bloomer probably finally began to shine around my senior year... of COLLEGE. yup. I overheard one of my friends at JMU say, "is it just me or did Julia get hot over the summer." She totally meant it as a compliment but, oy. Girls can be so petty. Did anything change about me at all? nope. the stars were just in line and I was noticed. it was a fun few years. I met my hubster (not sure my peakdom had anything to do with it) and was enjoying life... sure I still rocked that Olive Oil body type, but it didn't seem to matter much anymore. Besides, she had black hair...
babies came instantly. we were beyond thrilled. what a blessing to have one of those "just add water" insta families! 1....2....3.... and 4. and oof did it do a number on me physically. Not that the pregancies were that hard, or the labors that intense. I actually have little to no room to complain about it, in fact, compared to some of the cray-cray stories I've heard--- but there I go being a classic girl and comparing myself...
but yeah, being pregnant for me equaled gaining weight. and I know for a lot of gals that's the absolute worst, but I've tried to gain weight my whole life. aaaaand before you stop reading and get all huffy, I know I know, "I wish..." or "wow, I have it so hard..." but if you think about it, being frustrated and uncomfortable with your weight is similar regardless if its more weight or less weight. Anyway. I was thrilled to gain a pound or twenty. But with my first pregnancy I gained 60 or so. yeah. whoops. actually it was okay. I'd loose about 40 of that, before getting preggers again, and then gain another 30 ish during the pregnancies, and lose it again. And since my turn around time was 9 to 6 months, I was doing okay.
so here I am now. stuck at that mark. I've lost the 30 or so and now I'm treading water. i'm not getting pregnant with lucky number 5, so I look at myself and I traded Olive for classic mom bod. Someone once said "well now its your turn to not have the perfect skinny body." man, girls words can hurt. We are so wrapped in our image, how we think others see us and approve or disapprove. I wish it weren't this way. I have a mean case of diastasis recti, which means my inside stomach muscles have been broken due to trauma. its a lot of hard and tedious exercises and brace wearing to attempt to repair the potentially forever deflated muscle groups. I see my pudgy tummy and wilt a little inside.
BUT here's what gets me. I have two beautiful daughters. I'm talking little girls who light up the room when they walk in. Girls who can throw on any outfit and look stunning and they are only 3 and 8 months. ha. I adore them, and yet they were born into this club. This group of critical judgers. I can't keep them from it, but I can build a foundation where they look at themselves and see something beautiful.
My little 3 year old looks at her angelic blonde hair and sighs. She wants it to be dark like daddy's. And so it begins. She is dissatisfied. I think that's something that we all battle with too. Too tall, too short. Hair that's too curly or too straight. We all have quirks and we see them as flaws.
So how do I build this foundation of beauty for my sweet girls? I'm sure there are blogs and books about the 10 things to say to your daughter or the 34 ways to show your daughter she is beautiful. And they probably have some good thoughts or tips in there, but I think what girls need right now, is to be reminded that they are beautiful and to give them attention on the daily that shows how captivated you are with them. Both parents need to be in on this.
And us moms, we need to example.... example how we do our hair pretty. example how we don't always do our hair pretty. example how to workout and keep our bodies healthy. example how we pig out on fries and chocolate when we need to. they are looking to us to show them how to be a lady, they mimic us, they wear our shoes. they are watching and learning.
so i ordered a pair of jeans. a size bigger than i like. and I love them. not giving up. just being content in the now.
i'm reminding myself that all the reminders I want to live for my girls are true about me too. that God made me exactly as I am. He loves my freckles and my pale skin. He loves my long ish feet and my massive forehead. He thinks my mini hands are great. (Nik agrees with God on all of these too.) and I've got a job to do. To raise my girls as girls who know they were fearfully and wonderful made.
I like being a girl. I'm going to go finish my beer now.
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