"You are Elastigirl...Go! Fight! Win!"
As the boxes begin to disappear and pictures are placed on the walls, slowly our yellow house is become our new home. It feels good, and at night, when the little guys are asleep, and its quiet, it feels settled.
Settled is a good feeling.
Settled is not how it has felt for the past month...
There has been so much chaos of newness and figuring stuff out and paperwork and revamping routines and trying to settle, that the settling wasn't happening. Well, it was, it just didn't feel that way.
I have been beyond happy that with this pregnancy, there has not been daily attacks of throwing up. It has been a fairly mild puke trimester... but the nausea has had me miserable. I hate throwing up, oh so very much, but sometimes, you really just need to and the nausea has been so bad I have prayed to "just let me puke!" but nope. The lump of needing to just nestles itself in my throat and there I jolly well am.
"but I am amazing! I waited for this house! I want my kids to have their comfort. I want my dishes put away..."
I told myself many things. But there were moments, okay days, when there was little more than changing, feeding, and entertaining babies being done. I was so frustrated if no moving progress was made... and what about me?! I wasn't doing what I wanted to do. I wanted to clean, I wanted to sort, I wanted to unpack... to SETTLE... oh and take showers, put on make up, feel good about myself...
I realized I was twisting 'my way' with excuses so it looked like what I wanted was RIGHT and GOOD therefore should be done. A moment or two when I was halfway done unloading a box, and Wes would come up to me and hand me a book. Or grab my hand and pull me to where he was sitting and pat the couch, asking me to just be with him. Of course ANY mother would just stop and do what her sweet baby boy wanted... well, not every mother... I wanted to just finish the box... just sort through this pile... just hang up this picture.
And then it hit me.
We were watching The Incredibles (one of our favorite Pixar movies) and Bob Parr is getting home from being a super and saving people, even though they are supposed to be underground, due to the public not wanting to be saved anymore. Well Helen Parr thought he was going bowling, so when he came home, she was waiting up... festering. He slipped the truth she got pissed and the argument began. Yelling Yelling Yelling.
So while this is happening I'm sorting through yet another box of decorations, deciding what is breakable and needs to go in the high pile and what is okay for the kids to grab at. Wes wanted me to watch the show with him and Molly was making a dash for his bowl of goldfish crackers while he wasn't with them...I looked up at the ceiling and thought "really?! Can I just get ONE box finished!?"
Riiiight as Helen yelled at Bob: "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!"
I immediately put down the decorations. Scooped up Molly. Sat next to my now grinning Wes (he loves it when we sit with him and enjoy movies together.) And sighed.
So my question was answered: No.
No, you can't get one whole box emptied.
No, you can't have your flipping way, Julia Sifers.
I realized what I was doing. I was wanting my way. I needed to get my house together because I wanted to settle in my kids, sure, but to satisfy my quirky need to have things put away. I was willing to sacrifice their playtime with me, my attention to them, to get my task done.
That is just not what being a mom is about.
I honestly believe that it is crucial to have YOU time. I need to be able to get myself together, to feel good. Its so important to be able to take time to do things you enjoy (that have nothing to do with babies) and get away. BUT when you are on duty, you are on duty and I am such a (disclaimer christianeese coming...) Martha, when it comes to tasks. Its funny because I'm a extravert who needs to get that stuff out of the way so I can have a good time with people. Even my kids.
so in the wise words of ElastiGirl: This is not about you.
This--being single-parenting this summer. For me, THIS is not about me. THIS is about them. And as sad as it is that I had to figure that out, and continue to figure out the balance of being a Mommy and being Julia and being awesome and being real-- but I don't think I'm alone in this.
and in December, its only going to get one-baby-more amount (yes i know this is not a word) awesomer. which makes me giddy. I'll get there and I encourage you, no matter where you are in life, to figure out what your THIS is and realize its not about you. :) It's kind of a relief.
and the best part is I don't have to do it alone...
"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2cor.9:8
Settled is a good feeling.
Settled is not how it has felt for the past month...
There has been so much chaos of newness and figuring stuff out and paperwork and revamping routines and trying to settle, that the settling wasn't happening. Well, it was, it just didn't feel that way.
I have been beyond happy that with this pregnancy, there has not been daily attacks of throwing up. It has been a fairly mild puke trimester... but the nausea has had me miserable. I hate throwing up, oh so very much, but sometimes, you really just need to and the nausea has been so bad I have prayed to "just let me puke!" but nope. The lump of needing to just nestles itself in my throat and there I jolly well am.
"but I am amazing! I waited for this house! I want my kids to have their comfort. I want my dishes put away..."
I told myself many things. But there were moments, okay days, when there was little more than changing, feeding, and entertaining babies being done. I was so frustrated if no moving progress was made... and what about me?! I wasn't doing what I wanted to do. I wanted to clean, I wanted to sort, I wanted to unpack... to SETTLE... oh and take showers, put on make up, feel good about myself...
I realized I was twisting 'my way' with excuses so it looked like what I wanted was RIGHT and GOOD therefore should be done. A moment or two when I was halfway done unloading a box, and Wes would come up to me and hand me a book. Or grab my hand and pull me to where he was sitting and pat the couch, asking me to just be with him. Of course ANY mother would just stop and do what her sweet baby boy wanted... well, not every mother... I wanted to just finish the box... just sort through this pile... just hang up this picture.
And then it hit me.
We were watching The Incredibles (one of our favorite Pixar movies) and Bob Parr is getting home from being a super and saving people, even though they are supposed to be underground, due to the public not wanting to be saved anymore. Well Helen Parr thought he was going bowling, so when he came home, she was waiting up... festering. He slipped the truth she got pissed and the argument began. Yelling Yelling Yelling.
So while this is happening I'm sorting through yet another box of decorations, deciding what is breakable and needs to go in the high pile and what is okay for the kids to grab at. Wes wanted me to watch the show with him and Molly was making a dash for his bowl of goldfish crackers while he wasn't with them...I looked up at the ceiling and thought "really?! Can I just get ONE box finished!?"
Riiiight as Helen yelled at Bob: "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!"
I immediately put down the decorations. Scooped up Molly. Sat next to my now grinning Wes (he loves it when we sit with him and enjoy movies together.) And sighed.
So my question was answered: No.
No, you can't get one whole box emptied.
No, you can't have your flipping way, Julia Sifers.
I realized what I was doing. I was wanting my way. I needed to get my house together because I wanted to settle in my kids, sure, but to satisfy my quirky need to have things put away. I was willing to sacrifice their playtime with me, my attention to them, to get my task done.
That is just not what being a mom is about.
I honestly believe that it is crucial to have YOU time. I need to be able to get myself together, to feel good. Its so important to be able to take time to do things you enjoy (that have nothing to do with babies) and get away. BUT when you are on duty, you are on duty and I am such a (disclaimer christianeese coming...) Martha, when it comes to tasks. Its funny because I'm a extravert who needs to get that stuff out of the way so I can have a good time with people. Even my kids.
so in the wise words of ElastiGirl: This is not about you.
This--being single-parenting this summer. For me, THIS is not about me. THIS is about them. And as sad as it is that I had to figure that out, and continue to figure out the balance of being a Mommy and being Julia and being awesome and being real-- but I don't think I'm alone in this.
and in December, its only going to get one-baby-more amount (yes i know this is not a word) awesomer. which makes me giddy. I'll get there and I encourage you, no matter where you are in life, to figure out what your THIS is and realize its not about you. :) It's kind of a relief.
and the best part is I don't have to do it alone...
"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2cor.9:8
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